I've reached an agreement with myself concerning this illness. Not a full acceptance, but an agreement. It is what it is. That may be as close to full acceptance as I may ever come.
I think that is where many with chronic illnesses get. Full acceptance may never be achieved, but acceptance of this being the hand they were dealt is what they have. You either play the hand you are dealt or you fold. Sadly, in real life there is no bluffing. Your hand will always get called.
This point was driven home to me recently when I visited my dentist. I had heard earlier that my dentist had retired early and rather suddenly and unexpectedly.
I was scheduled for a routine cleaning and as I was chatting with the hygienist, I mentioned that I heard there were some changes in the office. She went on to tell me of the main dentist's stepping aside from doing any restorative dentistry. The reason? He has the misfortune of inheriting tremors.
This dentist prided himself on his quality of work and when the tremors migrated to his hands, he decided, or perhaps it was mutual with his medical doctor, that it was time to step aside. He may be 60 years old, at most. Far too young to be considering retirement.
As chance would have it, he stopped by the office that day and popped in to say hi, or perhaps goodbye. This is the dentist I have seen for nearly 30 years, so we are more than patient/dentist. He knows of my Meniere's disease. We have talked at length about my hearing loss and Cochlear implants. He had even inquired if I would be willing to speak to his father in law concerning Cochlear implants as he knew his wife's father couldn't hear, even with his hearing aids.
So, he popped in, said hello, and asked if I had heard the news.
Then he laid it out pretty clearly that he got what I have gone through.
I mentioned that I had noticed he had developed head tremors earlier this year. He replied that they had migrated to his hands, and although no accidents had happened, the chance of something happening had increased. "Power tools in a small mouth" were not a good situation, he said. He went on to say that if something were to happen due to this, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Therefore, it was time to move on.
He offered that his tremors were not life ending, but certainly were life altering. Then he said, "but you know what I am talking about." Indeed I do.
The last year I farmed was also the time when Meniere's was kicking my behind. After I made the difficult decision to end the career I had for 30 years, one of my children's teachers said "I am so glad you made this choice before something catastrophic happened, not because something life threatening happened."
Like my dentist's tremors, Meniere's isn't life ending, but it is life altering.
As my dentist summarized, "It is what it is."
'til next time
Just a guy trying to live with an invisible, potentially debilitating illness